they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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