Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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