I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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