kristin has been a bad kristin
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
