I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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