david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
