She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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