she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
