he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is Oprah even human
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
