I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
