new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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