nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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