Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
