YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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