I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
