Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
