the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
