The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
