i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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