9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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