When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
