Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
