this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
