So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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