He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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