So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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