I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize