The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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