put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
