So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
