First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize