nut hugger
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
