there's paper in my vomit.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
