At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
