do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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