he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
