look no pants
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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