I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
