Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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