btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
