Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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