woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
