if you like me you must not know who I am
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize