You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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