Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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