Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
