I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
