Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
