No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
