I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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