Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
