I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
