so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
