your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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