I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
