how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
