Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
