you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
