My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
