went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
