He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
