my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
