is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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