That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
