There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
