Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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