I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
