guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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