Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
