Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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