no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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