my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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