This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize