i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
