More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
