i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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